Change is a process. In an instant gratification society, the patience it takes to witness change is unbearable for some. My courageous lovers, I urge you to have patience, give space, give compassion to yourself and others going through transformation. When I started this self healing journey(July 2017), I wanted to start at the root of my trauma so I can snatch it out. Why is this important to me? I am fully aware that I can not have a successful relationship with myself, anyone else, or my community if I do not take time to heal past wounds. There is no time limit or due date for a wound to be healed… being aware of the wounds or toxic behavior is the start of lifelong healing. I moved from trauma to trauma to trauma… relationship to relationship rarely stopping to become aware of myself. I inflated the trauma by not connecting with my emotions or becoming hyper emotional(now making me hyper aware), moving without healing, and finding every way to hide from it. No mo’! I gathered plenty of information along my life, giving me tools to repair myself. In the past, I was happy to forget and move on- stacking shame along the way. I had no time to talk about my pains or traumas. I use to think: keep moving ‘cause life doesn’t stop for anyone and I have a purpose. That has changed to: slow down, process, I am life… dealing with emotion as it comes and accessing a higher part of myself to dispose of them properly. I desire to do everything from a loving space and I choose to work on it everyday. Lessons slip and I make mistakes, but it always swings back to love, to the lessons, to leveling up. Nothing can heal pain like love.
I am stepping back to review my experiences in the last two years. Around this time two years ago, I felt misplaced and something needed to change… it was that familiar feeling of my growth being stifled, the cage was slowly closing, and I panicked because I felt my freedom of expression vanishing. Things changed and my space started to expand as I began healing the wounds that previously lead my thoughts and actions. Last year, I revisited my past often to learn what needs cleansing, clearing, and attention in order for me to move foawrd in a healthy way. My first trauma is the memory of my dad hitting my mom, possibly causing a deep fear and judgement in me, against men in some form that I was unaware of. My mind smartened up and in an attempt to protect me, my mind decided to erase my second traumatic experience in my life- a memory of being molested at 2 ½ years old- causing childhood night terrors, abandoment issues, and so on. Two years ago, I had no idea I would be writing about my experiences in this form. Writing is healing. Facing my truth in a loud way is very freeing. Freedom of expression, after my love value, is important to me. I’ve been muffled and I no longer want to hide in the shadows of shame, I want to flaunt my wounds as weapons, throwing bullet hearts to inspire and motivate others.
Hiding or healing, right? Focusing now on the second wound, after failed attempts with two health systems in place, I felt inspired to help myself by researching natural ways to heal. I stopped smoking cigarettes, I removed meat from my diet, I leaned towards products with simple ingredients, I went to group therapy sessions, and tested techniques to have good mental health days in every waking moment. My sexual healing is my top priority as it pours into every major aspect of my life. Over a year ago, I committed to clearing my sexual energy from past lovers. It was tough to write down each person that I have been with intimately(positive or negative), from the age of 2 to present, reviewing and reflecting those influences, then answering a series of about 3 questions to release the energy. If you are interested in releasing past sexual partners, I can help, please let me know… I got tha plug. A year ago, I purchased two books suggested by a touch therapist at my local spiritual center:
(1) Tantra and Sacred Sexuality by Michael Mirdad (finished reading)
(2) Sacred Women by Queen Afua (currently reading)
The sexual healing began and part of my holistic process is crystal healing. I did research on using crystal jade eggs as part of connecting with my womb. The yoni eggs are smooth egg shaped crystals that are made in 3 different sizes(normally -unless custom made) used vaginally for many holistic practices. The jade crystal egg initiates total body healing, obsidian crystal yoni eggs integrates lessons from our shadow side, and the suggested final yoni egg practice is with rose quartz- opening up the heart, allowing giving and recieving energy to balance. It’s a process. Healther Rebecca Wilson, a transformational coach and sacred space holder for women, guided me through her Jade Egg practice to initiate the deep healing I have been yearning. It was cozy as fuck to meet with her in the online world, in the comfort of my spaceship. Healing to me is a continuous awareness of self and having tools accesible to combat whatever wound reopens is the real magic. If you don’t continuously remind yourself of the lessons, it will disappear and chaos gladly claws in. In my first session, Heather wanted me to list three things I am celebrating. We don’t celebrate our own small successes enough and so her question inspired me to ask myself what it is I celebrate daily. In doing so, I am feeling more grateful. Check out some of the clips from our first session below on January 29th, 2019.
What makes me feel alive right now?
Heather guided me to the root of why and how my trauma affects me today. I was shocked at some of the things that were coming out of my mouth after completing a guided meditation with her. Saying it out loud felt like a weight lifted but still feeling ashamed of my feelings. Watch Heather work her gift on me below.
Pussy breathing, take notes.
After 5 minutes of breath work, I was in pure joy… I couldnt stop smiling, something was different. Six months into the jade egg healing practice brought forth and cleared up a potentially harmful cyst in December- Thank you GODDESS! My jade egg practice so far is clearing out toxic thought processes. It is balancing me, calming me, grounding me, purging womb trauma, and is increasing my self love. Being able to control the jade egg inside me, gives awareness to my womb, reminding me of the strength and magic I possess. I am excited for the obsidian egg practice in another 6 months to a year.
If you are interested in the Jade egg practice please reach out to me or visit:
Thank you for taking the time to read! Look out for the last part of this Crystal Healing series next week. Heather guides me through her Jade egg session.
Love and Knowledge,