Lifestyle,

Sexual Self-Care for Depression

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I started masturbating at a really young age, 4 years old (something like that). I didn’t feel bad for doing it until my babysitter caught me, making me feel uncomfortable because she seemed disturbed. When my mom picked me up that day, she didn’t make me feel bad about it, but we also did not speak on it. I self soothed often as a child. The therapist I saw a few years ago said I was easing my childhood anxiety. Speaking to other women and doing some of my own research on sexual development and exploration, it is more common amongst young girls than boys to discover self pleasure early on. Questioning myself was the start of questioning who I was as a sexual being in this world… a world that ties tongues and shames you in the mere mention of sex. I have questioned this for half my life now. Questions of masturbation as a child to questions of sexual self care for healing now. Not to dig too deep on my own experience, but to highlight the natural occurrence of sexual self soothing in early ages of sexual development to ease anxiety or stress. Why do some people publicly shame masturbation as we get older? I have a healthy balance of masturbation occurring in my life now and I know i’m not alone in that. We encounter stress and depression heavily and daily, especially with so much of life being misunderstood… so much of life not being appreciated. It can make it harder to appreciate yourself.  I’ve been on a sexual journey forever but presently I want to heal childhood traumas and wounds onsetting as early as 2 years old. I am open with my sexuality and have been since a teen. Love is love.

On this exciting journey to deepen my sexual exploration and healing, the local crystal shop I visit, The Imagine Center, introduced me to Touch Therapy. Touch therapy is one effective way to ease depression, pain and anxiety that comes from sexual trauma. One form of touch therapy is Reiki healing, elevating deep relaxation and healing within the body. Human contact and connection can sometimes be a “long distance relationship” feeling. Touch therapy creates space for us to heal from such disconnect, with ourselves and others. Before commiting to a touch therapist, I needed to do more research and try to help myself first. In the midst of research, my roommate introduces me to the podcast, Deep Dive with Dana Falsetti. Dana has amazing content speaking on topics like sexuality, social justice, etc.  After soaking up Dana, there was a suggested podcast that pulled me, The Sexually Liberated Women, hosted by Ev’yan Whitney. I have been listening to Ev’yan for the last few months and found myself connecting and understanding who the sexually liberated women is through each podcast. Early last year Ev’yan released the podcast, ‘A Quickie: Sexual Self Care for Depression and Other Unsexy Feels’, it made me cry after the third repeat because first I just listened, then I took notes and on the third listening session, it heals a part of me that felt so ashamed… part of the child in me. I still carried this guilt from childhood of self soothing with me and I didnt know. Ev’yan reminds you of how important it is to honor yourself and where you are at in your sexual experience… acknowledging sex as another layer of ourselves that we can all enhance and deepen.

I am giving space to the shame associated around my childhood masturbation and expressing a hidden part of me that is beautifully exposed day by day.  The Sexually Liberated Women: Sexual Self Care for Depression and Any Other Unsexy Feels is a podcast speaking to those ready to be in touch with their body during a depressive state, anxiety or any other unsexy feelings. It’s important NOT to force it with yourself or others. Respect where your mind, body, and spirit currently reside. Connecting with your body during a depressed state can awaken powerful gifts, guiding you in a more desirous state of being. There are four ways to practice sexual self care.

  1. Connect With Your Body Platonically. Yes, connecting with your body in an intimate but non sexual way can help with sexual self care. Yoga is said repeatedly to help connect and bring self attentiveness to your body. Taking a bath is another way to focus on the body… something I overindulge in and will not change anytime soon. I also suggest going outside with bare feet and connecting your body to earth, feeling the energy from the earth rising up to your body. Going to bed naked can be sexually liberating too.
  2. Greet Desire. Desire is a need for nourishment. There is a need to raise consciousness and separate sex from desire, becoming aware of all true desires like sitting outside noise free or running in the woods screaming… desire to give social media a break… desire to lay on your bed and do absolutely nothing. Revel in your desires by listening to your needs of nourishment.
  3. Create Erotic Muses. What would your erotic muse do to bring sexy back? Erotic muses are people you are motivated by. What would they do in a depressive state? I haven’t found an erotic muse just yet, but still looking. Rihanna is looking like the one so far in my search. I’m open to suggestions.
  4. Take Nudes. LOTS OF NUDES. This is my favorite practice to connect with myself. I thoroughly enjoy getting creative in angles, positions, and dressing up. This practice helps me levitate from a depressive vibe quickly.

Some mantras (provided by The Sexually Liberated Women podcast) that you can say during your sexual self care practice are:

  • I am a sexual being and nothing can take that away from me, not this depression, not this anxiety, and not my inactivity.
  • I am slowly coming home to my sexual body, and this process of returning to that home and these acts of sexual self care are acts of resistance… in these acts I soften, in these acts I take up space, in these acts I heal myself little by little.
  • I am a sexual being and I am still here.  

Please comment if you want to hear more on this topic or about my own experiences. Love is stronger.

– DeeezleDom